Why is it so difficult to forgive and forget?

When I was in my teens, a person who was very close to me abused me mercilessly for years at a stretch. It was not just physical and sexual abuse, but mental abuse as well. I was shattered, could never confide in anybody because of the fear and social stigma, and became an absolute recluse. For many years after the heart-wrenching abuse had stopped, I lived in fear and had intimacy issues with anybody and everybody. I hated my abuser with all my might, but hated myself more for allowing the abuse to happen without raising my voice. I used to think of main the revelations public and get some sort of revenge for the trauma he had inflicted on me for all those years. But about 3 years back, he was diagnosed with a terminal illness and died a painful death. I was surprised to note that I found it so difficult to forgive him even after his demise.

Forgive and let go for your own good!

When I realized that he was about to die, I thought that I was finally going to get my justice and could lead a normal life, free of hatred and guilt. But thereon I realized that even his death was not a factor that could console me to forgive and forget. That was when I had the startling realization that all the negativity and hatred in my mind, was not reserved for that person but for my own self. I was cursing, blaming and hating myself everyday for letting the abuse happen. And by not be forgiving and forgetting him, I would forever be engulfed in self-hatred. Thereon it took me an instant to get over with the entire ordeal and emerge afresh. Here, at the Touch of Love, I would like to advise all those who are suffering from similar ‘forgive and let go’ issues and victims of abuse, to not let go for the sake of the perpetrator but for the sake of your own self. Because in the hatred that you think is directed towards the perpetrator, most of it is directed to your own self and you are ending up harming yourself by clinging on to the toxic feelings of negativity, hatred and revenge.

Learn how to control your anger and forgive someone with these 30 simple tips.